This sh*& isn’t easy…but you can do hard things one pause at a time.
As I shared a couple of weeks ago, I received ketamine therapy and as I have been integrating my insights gained from that experience, I have been peeling back some deep layers — and with that I’ve had to face some uncomfortable truths about beliefs I’ve carried for a long time. Beliefs that quietly shaped my behaviors and, in turn, impacted my life in ways I’m only now starting to fully understand.
Now that I’m more aware, I’m working on rewiring those beliefs — but my old patterns aren’t going quietly. There’s been resistance at almost every step. It often feels like I’m standing at a fork in the road: one path is unfamiliar but aligned with who I want to become; the other is familiar, well-worn, and easy to slip back into — but I know it leads somewhere I don’t want to go anymore.
Along with this awareness has come a wave of grief — for time lost, for choices made from old patterns, for the way I’ve been making so many decisions based on fear. That grief, mixed with my tendency to overthink, has taken me to some dark and stuck places this week.
But tonight something shifted. And it happened because of a few simple but meaningful choices.
First, I let someone in. I responded to a text I’d been avoiding, and that conversation brought some lightness and perspective through honesty and shared experience.
Then I moved my body. I finally made it to yoga, and in the middle of class — right before a pose I usually struggle with — I paused and told myself: You can do hard things. And I did. That moment reminded me I’m not helpless. I can meet resistance and still choose differently.
Finally, I realized I’d slipped back into trying to do it all alone — forgetting to ask for guidance, forgetting to pray. Tonight I came back to that quiet connection, and even that small act helped me feel more supported.
No, everything didn’t magically shift. But I did feel hope again. And with that hope, I journaled — not perfectly, just honestly — and gave myself space to process and reset.
What I’m learning is this: change doesn’t always feel good while it’s happening. But reaching out, coming back to your body, remembering your inner strength, reconnecting to something greater, and giving yourself space — that’s how we begin again.
And that’s enough for today.